Toad in the Trap

It's been delayed so lets crack on:

First of all get your ass down to the shops and pick these up:

6 Pork and Apple Sausages (or similar, don't have to be gourmet bonanzas)
A ssorted vegetables
P acket mix of batter (you can make it yourself but it rises like Peter Crouch when put in the oven)
Schwarz packet gravy (top-bombing condiment)

Fire your oven off at gas mark 6, make sure it's been on for about 15 mins before you start otherwise it'll give you a load of ag later on down the line. Oil up your baking tray using some Olivio or sunflower oil and slosh it about a bit with some grease-proof paper and put them in the burner.

Get your sausages on the cook, make sure they're nice and brown. While their on the burn follow the instructions on the batter mix packet and get on with it. Once finished have a gander at your baking trays to make sure their hot and pour the mix evenly over the tray, slap the sausages in and stick it back in the oven.

Takes roughly an hour to cook and rise properly but keep your eye on it 'cos it can go down the pan. After half hour get the greens on the boil and start thinking about your gravy (open the packet, add to boiling water, and for a top tip, mow some fried onions in there)

Wait till it's done, put it on a plate and smash the granny out of it.

(You can jazz it up a bit by adding bacon, mushrooms etc to the batter mix)

Next instalment, Sausage and Mash a la Nash. Triffic.

CORNED BEEF CRACKEROLE

What you need:

Potatos
Corned beef (2 cans if for 4 people or more)
Onion
Heinz lovely Beans (again) (again 2 cans if for 4 or more people)

How

Get the spuds and peel them, then slice into cubes, fire them off in some boiling water until they're soft, drain them out and slap them back on the hob to dry them, meanwhile chop an onion rate and cut the corned beef into cubes and set to one side. Blast a large saucepan up and mow some olive oil in there, once hot slap the onion and potatos in there until they're slightly brown.

Empty the beans into a jug, if you want to jazz things up a bit follow these instructions: add a few drops of Tobasco Sauce, a few pinches of chilli powder, a few dashes of Worcester Sauce, salt, pepper and two large table spoons of tomato burger relish. Stir until they are nice and hot.

Once all is prepared get an oven proof lovely and put layers of potatos, corned beef and beans in, slap them into a pre-heated oven at gas mark 6 and crack on for 30-40 mins, serve with some tasty bread... Job Done. Hunger is on it's back after yet another bosh in the chops!

BLOATER ON TOAST

Preparation is the key element, you will need:

4 slices of prime white bread
Grated cheese
1 can 'o' Heinz baked beans (or similar)
HP brown sauce (optional)
Butter

Fire up the old grill and mow the bread under it, make sure 2 of the slices are nicely toasted as they will give you the crunch element. Meanwhile put the beans in a microwavable pot for roughly 2 mins (750w) or heat gently over the hob until piping hot. Place the nicely browned 2 slices of bread on the bottom and coat generously with butter, the other 2 go directly on top. Sprinkle your grated cheese over the top (cheese does not need to be grilled as the hot bean juice will melt the cheese for you) and over the beans go. Cheap, quick, easy and filling, game over. Nash 1 Hunger 0.

*HP brown sauce can be added to the beans to sharpen the flavour