Alltraders v Creepy Crawley

After last weeks embarrassing performance against the quality of Caledonian Old Boys, Alltraders gathered tonight to face their latest opposition, Creepy Crawley. Having never played (or heard of) this team before, it was really anybody's guess as to what to expect.

Following last weeks eight-goal thriller, Alltraders have been gathering increased media interest. With rumours of them fielding their celebrity player from the football league, and the chance of Warren saving a shot on goal, Kirsty the camera girl found that she had some unexpected competition from the worlds media up on the gantry.

The world's press take up their position
for tonight's game

Sadly, the long-awaited debut of our ex-league player failed to materialise due to a severe attack of apathy, so we had to make do with Warren's mate Gavin as a last minute replacement. As it was to turn out, he was quite a revelation, but more of that later...

Creepy Crawley are new to this competition, and are all in their mid to late teens. Just what the ageing Alltraders needed tonight was a bunch of lightening quick youngsters to put extra strain on their deteriorating cardiac muscles. A quick call was placed over the tannoy for four oxygen cylinders to be standing by for the half-time break.

Fortunately, Gavin added that little bit of extra pace in the team to cover those 'I can't be bothered to get back' moments that seem to be happening with alarming regularity in the Alltraders team of late.


Tim shields the ball	Gavin (in green) gets stuck in early	An opposition attacker is covered from all sides

Strangely, the game started at quite a slow pace. Creepy Crawley seemed fairly content to allow Alltraders to do all the early attacking, choosing to try and catch them on the break with the long ball out of defence. Fortunately the opposition were pretty crap up front so most of their attacks came to nothing.


Gavin settles into the team well by emulating Kevin's shooting abilities in front of goal	The usual 'hands-on-head' stance as the ball goes about twenty yards high and wide

I'll just stop my watch while the ball is retrieved from the railway line	Gavin closes off another opposition attack.

To be honest, this was really quite a dire game one way or the other. Although Alltraders were much better than their performance of last week, they still had few shooting opportunities. Creepy Crawley failed to make any real progress on the Alltraders goal, with Warren Fiveash only having to make one real save during the whole twenty minutes (at least we should be thankful for that I suppose). So, I'm not going to bother writing any more as I really can't be bothered and I've got to get up early tomorrow, so sit back and enjoy the remaining pictures ...


The half time pose - where's that bloody oxygen?	Gavin removes all the skin from his right kneecap	Paul through on goal - the ball ends up in the bar


Twizzle defends a Kevin Burton attack	Tim decides its time for a trick or two


The four-legged defender clears the ball	"Get your sweaty hands away from me...."

So, Alltraders get their first point of the new season. The one positive note was that Alltraders looked a little more composed this week, but still nowhere near their best.

It's an early kick off next Thursday, so don't miss next weeks all-action thrill-a-minute match report. I'm sure it'll be better than this, but don't hold your breath...