Alltraders five-a-side football team - New Year 1999 Campaign

Alltraders V CLC....
Alltraders V Air 2000
Alltraders V British Bulldogs
Alltraders V Gatwick Customs
Alltraders V First Call B
Alltraders V Hilton Honours
Alltraders V X.L.5
Alltraders V A C Mill Lane
Alltraders V Maidenbower Old Boys
Alltraders V Motley Crew
Alltraders V Dusseldorf Dazzlers

Alltraders V CLC 08/01/99 20:00

Alltraders gathered tonight for the start of the new year '99 competition having had four weeks rest and plenty of time to prepare, the only consideration being how much of a toll the Christmas festivities had taken on them.

The day before this game all of the Alltraders 'key' players were psyched-up and ready to go - everything was in place to kick off this competition with a fully 'fit' team - surely nothing could go wrong tonight.

As the players arrived before the game, there was a certain amount of concern at the absence of Jamie fiveash. Warren and Tim were unable to contact him at home, and no-one had any idea where he could be. As kickoff time approached, it was decided to to find a backup player to cover should he not turn up.

The ref blew the whistle to summon the two teams to the pitch. As there was still no sign of Jamie, the backup player (Dipesh) was ordered to put on the familiar green Alltraders shirt and take a forward position with Kevin.

Alltraders started the game and pushed the ball around quite comfortably in the early stages. There appeared to be no signs of lack of fitness or nerves that normally accompany their first game. Hopefully there was to be no 6 - 1 drubbing tonight.

Being made of of Leisure centre staff, CLC were fit and strong and had several opportunities to take the lead, one being a one-on-one with Warren when a terrible attempt at a pass from Tim Leader to Kevin Burton was intercepted by a CLC lone-striker. Fortunately Warren Fiveash was at his best tonight and saved superbly.

This spurred Alltraders into immediate action. Their passing became more assured and Kevin and Dipesh brought out several excellent saves from the CLC keeper. Just as it looked like it was going to be one of those nights, Tim Leader broke out of midfield and advanced on goal. Two CLC defenders were drawn into the middle to try and cut off the run and stop the shot. This left both Dipesh and Kevin free to advance down the right prompting Tim to brush the ball gently into their path with the outside of his right foot. Kevin promptly ignored the screams from Dipesh to leave the ball in true greedy-striker style, and performed one of his pin-point shots into the smallest gap between the outstretched fingers of the 'keeper and the far post. Kevin is becoming a master of this type of goal having performed similar stunts in previous competitions. Credit should also be given to Dipesh whose shout confused the retreating defenders into expecting that Kevin was going to step over it. I think it also frightened the life out of them.

With this one goal cushion, Alltraders started the second half by taking up their usual defensive approach to the game in an effort to draw CLC forward. These tactics can go both ways - normally Alltraders are assured defenders. However, with the absence of Jamie Fiveash the balance of the team wasn't as good as previous weeks and CLC broke through on more than one occasion, forcing Tim and Paul into working harder than Baghdad bricklayers. Fortunately Warren was in inspired form tonight and pulled off two excellent saves in particular to keep the Alltraders lead intact.

As planned, CLC started to become more frustrated and pushed further forward as the game continued. This allowed Alltraders to catch them on the break several times. If it wasn't for the skill of the CLC 'keeper and Tim Leader's slippery left foot (I blame the rain) Alltraders could have stretched their lead much further.

Eventually the referee blew for the end of the game. Alltraders had at last exorcised the ghost of competitions past by comfortably winning their first game.

As we left the pitch, the CLC players surrounded the referee complaining that Dipesh was an unsigned player having been recognised playing in an earlier game on the adjoining pitch. We now have to wait and see if they place an official complaint. As employees of the sponsor of the competition, there's a pretty good chance they will. Should this be successful Alltraders will probably have their points stripped, and possibly fined - we'll now have to wait and see. It has to be said that CLC had every opportunity to voice their concern before the game.

Final score: Alltraders 1 (1) - (0) 0 Crawley Leisure Center

Scorers: Kevin Burton

Man of the match: Warren Fivesh

Scores out of ten:

Footnote: After arriving home a message was waiting. It appears Jamie Fiveash had fallen asleep after returning home from work, tired having been out on the piss until late last night.

Alltraders V Air 2000 15/01/99 20:00

With still no news re last weeks complaint, Alltraders gathered tonight with their full strength side. The biggest problem tonight was going to be the gale-force westerly wind and torrential rain which had battered southern England most of the day.

Air2000 fielded the same team that beat last years winners Hilton last week, so a tough game was on the cards.

Just before the start of the game the wind and the rain had reached such a level that it was nearly impossible to play proper football. However, the rain-soaked referee called the teams together and the game went ahead with an Air2000 kick.

From the start, Alltraders took the initiative and quickly adapted to the apalling conditions. On the first real attack of the game Tim Leader cut inside the last defender and hit a vicious left-foot drive that brought out an excellent save from the Air2000 'keeper. From the corner Tim Leader found Jamie Fiveash whose first-time shot smashed against the post with the 'keeper motionless.

Alltraders continued to dominate the first half, playing some of their best football for a long time. Kevin Burton and Jamie Fiveash had several more chances to take the lead , but as usual the shots went just wide or were saved well by the 'keeper.

Air2000 were quite clearly under the cosh for most of the half, but the combination of excellent defending and inspired goalkeeping kept the game scoreless until the half time whistle.

The second half continued to be dominated by the weather. Several times Tim Leader and Kevin Burton found themselves in good shooting positions just in front of goal, but had to waste valuable time bringing the ball under control before lining up the shot due to a gust of wind, giving the Air2000 defenders the time needed to close down the move.

With Alltraders pushing further forward, a counter attack found three Air2000 attackers breaking out of defence faced only by the lone defending of Tim Leader. The ball found it's way to the attacker on the right who hit the ball had and low bringing out a great save from Warren Fiveash.

Having not read this warning sign, Alltraders continued to Attack leaving just one defender behind the ball. Both Kevin and Jamie had further opportunities to open the scoring, but yet again the extra touch was just enough for Air2000 to block the move.

From a failed Alltraders attack, the Air2000 'keeper launched a kick that weaved through the Air straight to the feet of an attacker. With an uncharacteristic slip from Paul Burton the attacker turned and instantly hit his shot, this time skimming on the rain-soaked surface under the body of Warren Fiveash and into the net.

With only a minute left and all Air2000 outfielders behind the ball, Alltraders struggled to penetrate the defence. However, in the final move of the game a swift one-touch passing move between Tim Leader and Jamie Fiveash found Kevin Burton clear through on goal. Having seem Kevin score from far more acute angles than this in the past it seemed almost certain that he would finish the move the claw back a point. It wasn't going to be his or Alltraders night tonight as his shot skimmed off the outside of the post and out for a goal kick, with Alltraders left holding their heads in their hands in disbelief.

At this point the ref decided to bring the formalities to a close ending a very frustrasting night for Alltraders.

Air2000 got their tactics just right tonight by defending with strength and waiting their chance to catch Alltraders on the break. In all the years Alltraders have been playing together, they still manage to fall foul of this tactic and lose games that should have been comfortably won.

On a more positive note, Alltraders played some of their best football for some time tonight. The weather played a big part in the final move, but it has to be said that conditions were the same for both teams on the night.

Final score: Alltraders 0 (0) - (0) 1 Air 2000

Man of the match: Tim Leader - only because he played a lot better than last week and no-one really stood out tonight!

Scores out of ten:

Alltraders V British Bulldogs 22/01/99 21:00

Before tonights game, there was some good news and some bad news for Alltraders - first the good news, the three points from game one were allowed to stand. The bad news was that Jamie Fivesash was unable to play due to being in the audience of TFI Friday. However, a last minute signing of our old friend Barry ensured that we weren't going to be left short again.

Last week we had the wind and the rain, tonight it was the turn of the frost. It was a bitterly cold night with a thin layer of ice across the pitch. The referee warned of very slippy conditions after one or two nasty injuries earlier on in the evening.

Tonight was the first time that Alltraders had played British Bulldogs. In their previous two games they managed draws against Hilton and First Call, so we were not certain of their strengths or weaknesses. All we did know was that they looked to be around sixteen years old and very quick - just what we needed on a bitterly cold Friday night.

The game started with an Alltraders kick. The ball was played around quite steadily in the early stages drawing British Bulldogs further forward. Although the opposition were very athletic, they were very badly organised and twice in quick succession Tim Leader broke past the last defender with acres of space in front of him to attack the Bulldogs goal. Although having many goalscoring opportunities, Alltraders couldn't get the ball past the Bulldogs 'keeper who was by far their best player on the night.

With about two minutes of the first half remaining, the opposition keeper made his only cockup of the game and hit a goal kick from the left of his goal area straight at the feet of Kevin Burton who was standing just outside of the 'D' with no-one else between him and the whole of the goal. Now, all he had to do was sidefoot it into the empty net, but he hit the ball to his left away from the stranded 'keeper straight against the post and back to the feet of a retreating defender. This really was a quite unbelievable miss - something he was very quick to avoid talking about after the game...

No being too disheartened by this bizarre gaff, Kevin continued to battle hard against the young opposition, supported by Barry who was having another excellent game.

With only seconds of the half left, Kevin Burton took a quick throw straight into the path of Tim Leader who cut inside his marker and slammed the ball under the 'keeper to open the scoring for Alltraders. There was some doubt as to whether the referees whistle was for the goal or for half-time. A quick check of his watch confirmed that the ball crossed the line two seconds before the deadline - at last some luck had gone Alltraders way.

The second half continued to see Alltraders pressing hard on the Bulldogs goal. Time after time the opposition keeper performed some excellent saves to keep his team in the game.

Eventually Alltraders persistence payed off although the finish came from the most unlikliest of sources. A quick throw out from Warren in goal found Barry who instantly threaded the ball to Kevin Burton. His pass was played down the line to Paul Burton, but seemed to be travelling too fast on the ice-covered pitch for him to catch. However, with the ball only two or three feet from the by-line, he managed to hook it goalwards in full stride between the 'keeper and the near post. This was Paul's first goal for nearly a year and caught everyone by surprise - including the camera girl who had pressed stop on the video thinking the ball was going out of play. Sorry Paul, you'll have to do it again next week... We've got a good shot of your back as you ran back to the halfway line but it didn't make the final selection!

With only one minute left, the game was more of less over for the Bulldogs. Almost straight from the kick, Kevin Burton robbed an opposition player and finished off an excellent solo move with a shot that must have travelled at over ninety miles an hour as it slammed against the back of the net past the static 'keeper who could only hold his arms out in desperation to the travelling vocal opposition supporters on the sideline.

The final whistle eventually blew with Alltraders 3 - Nil victors - a satisfying result bearing in mind the fitness of the opposition.

Final score: Alltraders 3 (1) - (0) 0 British Bulldogs

Man of the match: Paul Burton - what a goal!

Scores out of ten:

See the action - Click here for stills from the game

Alltraders V Gatwick Customs 29/01/99 19:30

Another Friday night, another game of football. Why do we do this? It's cold and I'm sure there are better things to do after a hard weeks work. But somehow CLC have managed to convince nearly 150 men otherwise as the new year 1999 five-a-side competition reaches game four or eleven on the heavily sand covered plastic pitches of the Crawley leisuire centre.

After a small period of confusion, it became apparent that we were actually playing AFC Lagos. Gatwick Customs decided to rename to AFC Lagos (their summer league team) as this team still have six months left on their Sussex FA affiliation fee. Cunning move...

Anyway, according to the league table, AFC Lagos sat firmly at the top of the league after winning their first two games comfortably. There were no results posted for last week so we have no idea what position they were at the start of this game. With Alltraders winning two of their three games they were estimated to be in third place, so a close game was to be expected tonight.

The game started with an Alltraders kick. In the first early moves the game could have gone either way with Lagos and Alltraders coming quite close to opening the scoring. In one move a Lagos attacker hit a vicious shot that was parried back into play by Warren Fiveash. As Tim Leader stood at the edge of the 'D' to meet the rebound, a Lagos player threw himself at the ball almost taking Tim's foot off canoning the ball into the back of the net. Fortunately the ref blew for the foul to the protest of the Lagos attacker who was lucky to stay on the pitch after his barrage of abuse aimed in his direction.

Shortly after, Kevin broke free on the left and found Jamie Fiveash unmarked on the right who calmly placed the ball past the static 'keeper to open the scoring for Alltraders.

From then on, Lagos attacked with strength becoming more physical as the game went on. From a long pass out of the Lagos defence, the ball appeared to be going out of play shadowed by Paul Burton. However he was knocked off the ball with a shoulder charge from the advancing attacker who hit it first time past Warren Fiveash who was just as surprised as anyone that the normally strong figure of Paul Burton was knocked off the ball so easily.

With a couple of minutes of the half left, a typical Kevin Burton run was crowded out by two Lagos defenders. He cooly turned and placed the ball backwards into the path of Tim Leader on the right. Initially it looked like Tim had shown too much of the ball to his marker, but he stretched out his leg to push the ball past him and cut inside hitting a shot on the run with his his weaker left foot past the 'keeper who really hadn't had much else to do in the half but pick the ball out of the net.

Half time - two one to Alltraders.

Knowing that Lagos were starting to get a bit rough, Alltraders decided that the best approach to the second half would be to release the ball early and not try anything fancy that could result in being caught in posession. This approach worked well until about five minutes into the half when Tim Leader thought he had the time to cut out a throw out from the 'keeper that was aimed at his marker. This was not a sensible thing to do - the Lagos player simply covered Tim's move and instantly turned leaving him lunging at the ball with an outstretched right leg which he had no hope of reaching. This left the Lagos attacker one-on-one with Warren in goal. Fortunately the attacker's finishing was not up to his approach play and he curled his shot wide of the mark.

With Lagos marking the Alltraders team tightly, Warren was finding it difficult to find a player to release the ball to within his time limit. A hurried kick bounced off of Jamie's foot back to a Lagos player who hit his shot first time through Warren's legs to equal the scoring.

It looked like it was going to be one of those nights. Lagos started to attack hard and showed no signs of weakening. On more than one occasion Kevin was the only forward player, but was being quickly closed or hacked down. As more and more free kicks were being conceded by the opposition, tempers started to fray and the ref became more and more impatient with the opposition's complaints.

It was Kevin's persistence that led to another attack resulting in a wild challenge from a Lagos defender that put the ball out of play for a throw. Tim Leader launched his throw across the 'D' to Kevin running into space. The Lagos defender obviously lost his bearings and ran into the goal area to head the ball clear, but the shouts from Kevin and Tim prompted the ref to notice this illegal move and he had no hesitation in blowing the whistle for the penalty. Maybe if Lagos had upset him so much earlier in the game he may have given him the benefit of the doubt, but not now.... Jamie converted the penalty with ease.

As the Ref's watch beeped for time, he was in no mood to add on anything extra and instantly blew the whistle to end the game.

This was the closest game so far and Alltraders knew that they were fortunate to gather all three points. Maybe luck has started turning in Alltrader's favour?

Final score: Alltraders 3 (2) - (1) 2 Gatwick Customs (AFC Lagos)

Man of the match: Kevin Burton - constant battling

Scores out of ten:

Alltraders V First Call B 05/02/99 20:30

With only the results of the first two games posted on the board, we were no nearer knowing our starting position before tonight's game. In theory Alltraders should be top as it looks like Air2000 have also dropped some points in the previous games.

Anyway, Alltraders gathered tonight without Warren Fiveash who was celebrating his sixteenth birthday with his mates. So, Tim Leader volunteered himself to go in goal with Barry taking his outfield place.

Jamie performed his usual trick of turning up just as the game got going, which nearly resulted in Alltraders conceding an early goal. While Tim Leader shouted instructions to Jamie to tell him where his shirt was, a First Call attacker swung in an early shot that fortunately curled wide of the mark with Tim completely unaware of what was going on behind him.

The opposition were typically young and fit, but not too brilliant with their approach work. Tim Leader, obviously quite nervous at playing in this unfamiliar role, only had one 'save' to make in the whole half - this being a hopefull half-volley from a First Call attacker that struck him on the right knee and out for a throw.

Kevin and Jamie looked impressive in attack, but their shots were well covered by the opposition 'keeper who looked like he was going to spoil the night for Alltraders. In one move Kevin broke free past the last defender and hit a peach of a shot that was heading just inside the far post. Yet again, the 'keeper pulled off a stunning save parrying the ball out for a corner.

The half ended nil-nil.

The second half was pretty much like the first. Tim Leader was reduced to running round in circles and blowing into his hands to try and fight off a serious threat of hypothermia on yet another bitterly cold night night.

After around five minutes of the half remaining, the deadlock was finally broken. Barry threaded the ball through to Kevin Burton who found Jamie in space on the right. He cut inside the last defender and slammed in the first goal of the night.

At this point it looked like the game was won - First call hadn't really threatened the Alltraders goal up until now and all that was needed was to keep concentration up to the final whistle. However, experience has shown that Alltraders and concentration are mutually exclusive, and straight from the kick an opposition attack brushed past Paul Burton to skim his shot under Tim Leader to level the scoring while the rest of the Alltraders team were still congratulating themselves on their earlier goal.

Not to be outdone, Kevin Burton's centre was knocked back to Barry who threaded the ball into the path of the sprinting Jamie Fiveash who cooly slotted it through the legs of the opposition 'keeper with the rest of the First Call team motionless - Three goals in under a minute!

From this point until the final whistle, Alltraders managed to keep posession of the ball frustrating the opposition into making some rash challenges that should have resulted in at least a booking. However Alltraders were quite content to take the three points in a result that must now surely put them on top - four wins out of five with six games left. In theory five wins should mean qualification, but we've been in this position before only to let it all slip in the final games.

Next week should be a bit of a test - Alltraders meet Hilton Honours, the current champions.

Final score: Alltraders 2 (0) - (0) 1 First Call B

Man of the match: Jamie Fiveash - both goals, even after three pints at lunchtime.

Scores out of ten:

Alltraders V Hilton Honours 12/02/99 19:00

At last the board had been updated with the latest results. Alltraders were top, but only just with only one goal in it. Strangely, Hilton were in sixth place having won only two games. Perhaps the rumours that the Real Betis players had returned to Spain were true...

For once, Alltraders were all on the pitch in good time gently warming up, with the occasional glance to the other side of the pitch to see if the opposition had arrived. Just as it looked like Hilton hadn't managed to get a team together, Jamie's shout of 'Oh God they're back' led the whole of the Alltraders to turn in disbelief as the three Real Betis players jogged down the steps and onto the pitch followed closely by an athletic looking keeper and a monster of a defender. Would you bloody believe it - they choose to return on the night they are drawn against Alltraders.

Having been stuffed 6 - 1 by this lot last season, Alltraders new exactly what to expect and hurridly reorganised the defence, the plan being that Tim, Paul and Kevin were to defend at all times and not to risk getting caught on the break. This was to be purely a damage limitation exercise as the lightening pace of these Spaniards caused Alltraders no end of problems last time.

Surprisingly, the Hilton captain admitted that they only had four signed players and asked Tim Leader whether they could play the fifth from an earlier game. Having played a ringer before in the past, Tim reluctantly agreed. The sad fact of the matter is that they could beat just about any team in the competition with just these four players.

The game went ahead with an Alltraders kick. In the early stages Alltraders looked quite composed and seemed to have got their tactics right with the Hilton attackers finding it hard to break the the three man defence. However this also meant that they had nearly all of the posession and started to draw all of the Alltraders team behind the ball in an effort to keep them out.

After five minutes of constant battling, disaster struck. Following yet another penetrating Hilton attack, Jamie Fiveash turned sharply to cut out a pass and ripped the muscle at the top of his right leg and was unable to move freely from then on. If it was going to be hard keeping them out with five players, it was to be near impossible with only four. The only thing to do was to push Jamie forward to try and take one of the Hilton players with him out of the immediate action.

With the extra man advantage, Real Betis (sorry, Hilton) dominated the game. Their pace increased to the point where the game was so fast it was only a matter of time before they took the lead from an excellent move that left Warren stranded.

Two more quick goals followed before half time, and it looked like the much feared rout was now becoming a reality.

At half time, Jamie was unable to continue. Hilton sportingly withdrew their spare player to set up a second half four-a-side competiton with Tim, Paul and Kevin the outfielders against the three Real Betis Players.

I don't know whether Hilton decided to throttle back out of symapthy or something, but Alltraders finally managed to break the opposition defence resulting in an excellent goal from Kevin Burton well against the run of play. This simply spurred Hilton back into life and they tore the ageing Alltraders outfielders apart scoring three more quick goals with ease to equal last seasons 6 - 1 result. Goodbye goal-difference.

I suppose it's just sods law that they decided to return to haunt us this week of all weeks. If they are here for good then we all know who's going to win the competition again this season. However, playing against players of this quality can only improve our game and put us in good stead for our remaining five games. Qualification still looks a good bet, maybe even second place...

Final score: Alltraders 1 (0) - (3) 6 Hilton Honours

Man of the match: Kevin Burton - classic goal

Scores out of ten:

Alltraders V X.L.5 19/02/99 20:00

Another night, another game, a different team. Tonight we are without Jamie Fiveash who was still suffering from last weeks injury. We also lose Tim Leader, held up on a previous appointment, this being the first game he has missed for over two years (it's rumoured that he even plans his holidays around competitions - sad). Barry Needham takes the place of Jamie Fiveash, and tonight we welcome the return of the legendary Graham Fiveash playing his first game for three months following the return from his Middle Eastern tour.

As it turned out, Tim actually made it to the stadium in time, but as the team had already picked beforehand he was forced to watch from the sideline.

Last weeks drubbing by Hilton had pushed Alltraders into fourth place due to their zero goal difference. A good result tonight was essential to regain a greater chance of qualification.

The game went ahead with an Alltraders kick. The reformed team seemed a little slow to settle with a couple of early XL5 attacks bringing great saves out of Warren Fiveash. Alltraders approach work seemed a little slow and were obviously missing the penetration of Jamie Fiveash.

From a corner kick, XL5 took a dodgy lead when it appeared that the attacker strayed into the 'D' hitting the ball into the net off of the far post. In fairness to the referee it was impossible to see from behind Paul and Barry shadowing their players. From the gantry it could be seen much clearer!

The second half saw XL5 defending in numbers, constantly blocking out any chance of an equaliser. With all four Alltraders outfielders drawn forward, the inevitable counter attack saw two XL5 attackers advancing unchallenged toward the Alltraders goal. It seemed a certainty that XL5 would increase their lead as the shot skimmed toward the far corner of the goal. However, Warren Fiveash had other ideas and pulled of a superb save diving sharply to his right. Now it was Alltraders turn to attack as Warren's quick throw over the top of the two stranded attackers found Kevin Burton who skipped past the last defender and slammed home the equaliser with typical Burton assurance.

From then on, the game seemed to slow with both sides seeming to be content with the draw. Just as it looked like this was indeed to be the outcome, a lack of understanding in the Alltraders defence saw a lone XL5 attacker find himself clear on goal just outside of the 'D'. His first time shot was cooly lifted over the body of Warren Fiveash dropping into the net frustratingly close to the crossbar.

With just fifteen seconds remaining, there was no time to launch an attack and XL5 ran out two - one winners.

Another bad night for Alltraders - with more points dropped this result will have relegated Alltraders position to fifth or sixth from top in two weeks!

Final score: Alltraders 1 (0) - (1) 2 X.L.5

Man of the match: Warren Fiveash - a couple of excellent saves

Scores out of ten:

The next scheduled game was Hilton against this weeks leaders (and Alltraders next opposition) AC Mill Lane. But what happened? Hilton could only manage three players and Mill Lane refused to allow them to field ringers, resulting in the game being awarded to Mill lane on a nominal 2 - 0 scoreline. They obviously saw what happened last week.

I give up.

Alltraders V A C Mill Lane 26/02/99 18:30

With Alltraders in sixth place and AC mill Lane top, the theory was that the opposition should win this one fairly easily. However Alltraders knew that they had the strength to do well, and the early signs were that it was going to be their night when they took an early lead through a typical Kevin Burton finish in the first minute.

AC Mill lane knew that they were in a game as they struggled to make any in-roads through the Alltraders team. However, Tim Leader decided to hand a goal to the opposition when he held onto the ball too long and was easily robbed with no covering defence. The finish was quite clinical.

Not being too set back by this blunder, Alltraders regained the lead two minutes later with an almost carbon-copy Kevin Burton goal.

Tim Leader decided tonight was a to be a charitable event and again gifted the opposition a simple goal by under powering his pass back to Jamie Fiveash, simply cut out by the same Mill Lane attacker who sidefooted his effort past the stranded Warren Fiveash.

The second half continued much the same as the first. Alltraders continually penetrated the opposition defence only to be thwarted by the agility of the Mill Lane 'keeper.

Again, Alltraders allowed the opposition the space to fire a few hopefull efforts at the Alltraders goal, all finding the target.

Not a good night, again...

Final score: Alltraders 2 (2) - (2) 5 AC Mill Lane

Man of the match: Kevin Burton - two good finishes

Scores out of ten:

Alltraders V Maidenbower Old Boys 05/03/99 19:00

After this series of poor results, Alltraders gathered tonight certain in the knowledge that three good wins were the only way they could now qualify. With the absence of Warren Fiveash, Tim Leader dropped into the goalkeeper position. There was still more bad news to come - our prolific goalscorer and playmaker Kevin Burton was unable to attend due to him wanting to watch his son play for the Crawley reps.

Barry Needham kindly filled Tim Leader Leader's midfield role. This left one further outfield place to fill, and who better to call on on such an important night than our old friend from the Summer 1997 competition, Salem the Iranian international terrorist. Using a special code-word, we were able to withdraw him from secret manoevers on the South Downs to join us especially for this crucial game. Just in case of any further problems with the opposition, he also brought along a specially trained sniper with a high velocity laser guided rifle, taking a covert position up on the leisure centre roof.

Initially we thought the heavy police presence may have been a tip-off of Salem's presence on the pitch. However, it later came to light that a major incident occurred immediatly after the Alltraders game last week, and there was a risk of a 'return match' this week. It all happens in this competition...

This is the first time that we have played a team with the name 'old boys', with it actually being a true description of the team. They were even older than us.

The game went ahead with an Alltraders kick. In the early stages, Alltraders pushed the ball around well and came close to opening the scoring after a fine individual move from Jamie Fiveash brought out an acrobatic save with an outstretched right arm from the opposition 'keeper.

Maidenbower didn't put too much pressure on the Alltraders defence, and only broke free once when the ball was pushed between Sal and Paul at the back to be met on the run by an opposition attacker, now with a small red dot on his forehead from the laser sites of Sal's sniper. Fortunately for the Maidenbower striker, he scuffed his shot just before the trigger was squeezed, saving not only his life but also Alltraders worsening goal-difference.

With about a minute of the half remaining, Barry Needham managed to skip past the last defender and hit a fine effort past the 'keeper to opening the scoring for Alltraders. A well deserved one goal lead on the balance of play.

The second half saw a solid Alltraders display. In the early stages Maidenbower were pinned back behind the ball for long periods, their goalkeeper in particular having a very good game. However, his luck finally ran out midway through the half when Barry latched onto a Paul Burton passed and casually pushed the ball past the off-balance 'keeper who was expecting a slightly harder shot it seemed.

Now with a two goal cushion, Alltraders seemed to throttle back a bit. This seemingly weekly Alltraders trait nearly cost them a goal when slack marking put an opposition forward clean through on the Alltraders goal. Just as the silhouette of the marksman appeared again on the Leisure center roof, Tim Leader pulled off a stunning save to preserve his clean sheet. Not only this, the rebound fell kindly to Paul Burton who instantly threaded his pass through to a now unmarked Jamie Fiveash who seemed to take an age to decide where he was going to put the ball. Fortunately he fooled the goalkeeper by hitting it on target just out of his reach for Alltraders third goal on the night.

The final whistle blew shortly after rounding off a good night for a redesigned Alltraders team. There was just enough time for a quick handshake before Sal and his companion disappeared into the Crawley darkness.

Final score: Alltraders 3(1) - (0) 0 Maidenbower Old Boys

Man of the match: Barry Needham - two good finishes

Scores out of ten:

Alltraders V Motley Crew 12/03/99 19:00

(match report with stills - click on link at the end of the report)

Alltraders knew that this penultimate game of the tournament was to be an important one in that the two other teams battling for the fourth qualifying position both had easy games tonight and next week. It went without saying that Alltraders dire goal difference was a huge disadvantage, and only a couple of good wins would see them in with a chance.

Motley Crew are old favourites of Alltraders, having met them several times in previous competitions. Apart from the Summer 97 competition, Alltraders have always comprehensively destroyed this team. However, the way they have been playing lately, anything could happen.

Tonight, Alltraders fielded their 'standard' five of Warren, Tim, Paul, Kevin and Jamie. Sal the terrorist made an appearance, but this time as casual spectator. It was hoped that no assasin was needed this week.

The game went ahead with an Alltraders kick. Almost straight away Jamie found himself clear on goal, his shot being parried back into play by the Motley 'keeper.

Alltraders had much of the early play, but could not find a clearing through the improved opposition defence. Eventually, Kevin took it upon himself to cunjure up some magic by skipping past his marker and slamming home a left foot power drive under the static 'keeper for a well deserved Alltraders lead.

Motley crew struggled to find any real rhythm with Alltraders playing some of their best football for a long time. Paul must have known the cameras were on on him as he met a fine pass from his brother Kevin to smash home his second of the competition. This time it was captured by the camera girl!

Further persistence from Alltraders led to another typical Kevin Burton goal. The ball was knocked down the right wing into his path as Tim Leader broke left taking a marker with him. This left a gap for him to run into and smash another 100 mph screamer past the 'keeper to increase Alltraders lead to three.

The second half continued much as the first with Alltraders having much of the play. However we were treated to one of those bizarre incidents that happen every know and then that brought out a loud ironic cheer from the watching 'crowd'.

On a rare break, a Motley attacker hit a first time shot well out of the reach of Warren in goal. The ball slammed against the far post and flew upwards with so much back spin that is hit the ground and shot goalwards again, this time hitting the near post. All ten players stood motionless wondering where the ball was going to go next. Fortunately, Warren managed to scramble to his feet in time to gather the ball before it rolled back over the line for a goal to the opposition.

Apart from this one incident, Alltraders had several chances to increase their lead, in particular Tim Leader wasting several one-on-one's with shots either wide or well covered by the 'keeper. Eventually his luck changed as he was put clear by Paul Burton to side-foot the ball past the 'keeper to round off the game for Alltraders as four-nil victors.

This result has now put Alltraders goal difference back into the black by three goals. However it may not be enough to earn a place as one of the qualifiers with CLC and Air2000 having a much better goal difference with easy games to finish off their competition. It will all be down to the last game.

Click here for match images

Final score: Alltraders 3(4) - (0) 0 Motley Crew

Man of the match: Kevin Burton - another two good finishes

Scores out of ten:

Alltraders V Dusseldorf Dazzlers 19/03/99

The big one had finally arrived. However, a scan of the league tables saw three teams all battling for the final qualifying place. If all three won, then Alltraders would finish fifth and miss out again. It came as a bit of a surprise to see CLC in the top four bearing in mind they were stuffed comprehensibly last week by Hilton.

Both of the previous challengers had already played their games earlier, but the ref was not going to release the scores until our game was complete as he felt it would add to the excitement of the evening. Bastard.

Anyway, Alltraders had the luxury of a six man squad for this game. Jamie was uncertain whether he could last the full twenty minutes as he had 'a heavy' night beforhand. A late fitness test on his groin indicated he should be able to play the first half fairly comfortably. Tim Leader made himself sub for the first half to allow Barry a full game as he was good enough to appear at short notice.

Our confidence was boosted by the opposition arriving with only three players. At this point Alltraders could have taken the points with a nominal two-nil win. The captain asked whether he could field two ringers, so after a brief discussion Tim Leader took the managerial decision to play, as if we were to qualify it may come down to goal difference so we would possibly need to win by more than two goals. Once we had agreed, the rules state the result would have to stand regardless, so there was no turning back.

Bugger me, who appeared as the ringers but the two Real Betis players. The rest of the Alltraders team looked at Tim Leader with disbelieving eyes - how could he do this to us on such an important night?

Well, as there was no turning back , the game went ahead with an Alltraders Kick. It was clear this was going to be a very tight game with Jamie and Kevin battling hard to make headway through the Dusseldorf defence. Paul and Barry linked up well at the back to keep the threat at bay, but the two Spaniards were clearly going to cause Alltraders problems tonight.

As the game progressed, Alltraders began to settle into their natural rhythm and started playing some of their best football of the tournament. Kevin, Jamie and even Paul found themselves in excellent scoring positions only to be beaten back by agility of the opposition goalkeeper.

An entertaining first half came to an end goalless. With both sides now playing some excellent football, some of the other teams that had played earlier swelled the crowd to watch the second half. Could this mean that this result was important to them, or were they already through and wanted to gloat? No-one dared ask.

Tim Leader replaced Jamie to start the second half. Almost instantly he put Barry through clear on goal, his shot parried back into play to be met by Kevin who hit the rebound just over the bar. The signs were there that Alltraders could get the desired result if they kept their concentration.

However, the Spanish threat was still there, and with a couple of characteristic back-flicks and surging runs, Warren was being tested to the extreme tonight. Fortunately he was at his best and made several excellent saves.

With five minutes of the game remaining, Kevin Burton robbed an opposition attacker and fed a first time ball through to an unmarked Tim Leader who advanced on goal in acres of space with just the 'keeper to beat. As he approached striking distance, a quick look over his should saw no-one anywhere near him, so he slowed, picked his spot and slammed his shot hard and low. The keeper dived hard to his right and just managed to get his had to the ball and parried it back into play straight to the feet of the supporting Barry, now also in acres of space. As the 'keeper scrambled to his feet to to close him down, Barry cooly dummied his shot sending the 'keeper sprawling as he cooly rounded him and sidefooted the ball into the net.

At last the breakthrough was made. Alltraders knew that only a good win tonight would do so they continued to push hard on goal. Time and again they were through only to be denied by a very good opposition 'keeper. When Tim Leader did finally get the ball past him it slammed against the inside join of the post and crossbar and back into play.

With just a minute left, Tim launched an inch perfect pass inside the last defender to be met full on by Paul Burton. His shot screamed past the 'keeper nearly tearing the net away. This was a well deserved goal for Paul, who was the player of the night bar far.

The final whistle blew with Alltraders two-nil victors. Time now to review the situation regarding qualification. The ref passed the news that CLC had beaten Motley Crew 1-0 leaving them in fourth place and earning qualification. The question was, how were they there in the first place when they were below us last week and were soundly beaten by Hilton? The answer was that they had noticed Hilton had fielded a ringer and complained again, just as they did about us in the first game. This time the complaint was upheld. They had successfully whinged their way through to the quarter finals at our expense.

The fact that all other teams in the competition played to the spirit of the occasion and turned a blind eye to teams clearly playing unsigned players didn't come into it. Other teams (including us) also lost to Hilton when they had played an unsigned player so why should they be different?

We wish them well in the next round....

Not to be missed action shots of tonights game - click here !!!

Final score: Alltraders 2(0) - (0) 0 Dusseldor Dazzlers

Man of the match: Paul Burton - solid performance and a cracking goal to complete the competition. See the action shots by clicking on the above link!

Scores out of ten:

So that brings us to the end of another competition. Alltraders will return in May with the return of the summer competion. We look forward to seeing you then!

And now, a word from our chairman, Colin Brunker:

"I think that football was the real winner this season. We played strong, the lads and me, but the opposition done good. They was equal to it. Full credit to them. They was up to the task. (but not those cheating whingeing arseholes who stole 4th spot.) I want to thank all our fans, worldwide, especially all those female fans who have been giving Jamie the mystery groin strain. I'd particularly like to mention Jamie's performance in the pub the night before the big game. He bought 15 lagers, gave away 5 of them and drank 9 himself. This meant that despite the fact that he had drunk 9 lagers, he could still give Samantha one. The boy has style.

Next year will be our year. Our new sponsor, Rupert Murdoch, has promised us some vital new gear to help our game. One thing he already likes about our game is the fact that whenever Graham is on the ball they don't have to bother with the slow motion replay. Its already in slo-mo. This saves Rupert a fortune and leaves more advertising time. He wants us to train more next year. We can do this. We normally go by car so using the train once a week will not be too tough. Rupert (baby) is confident this will boost our game (but I'm not sure how myself) Another Roopy initiative is the "man of the match incentive scheme". This will lift our game too.

There is a prize for the man of the match involving a trip to Australia with Samantha. He said something about Samantha going down under so I guess that's what he's on about. Foxtel, Sky, CNN and Aussie Optus have all been negotiating with me for the rights to screen our games. Obviously they believe that having got us, then the rest of the league will have to follow. On the other hand they may be wanting to screen our games out, but I doubt that. But thanks for coming along to night, pretty swish place this eh? I have to sit down now because I can see that Samantha has just moved into position under the table in front of me. Oh the joys of Captaincy, the agony and the ecstasy. The football was the agony but I think my luck is about to change."

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