Kevin Burton
The man who started it all.
Way back in 1994, emerging from the ruins of the ill-fated Southgate Hammers, Kevin Burton assembled a side that has gone on to become one of the longest lasting Five-a-Side football teams in Crawley.
Kevin was the manager of the victorious 1995 team that stormed the league winning 10 out of the 11 games, a feat yet to be duplicated.
Maybe this year?
Paul Burton
Brother of Kev, Paul was also a member of the jubilant 1995 team.
Paul, in his day, was probably the best defender around, playing with a gritty determination that tended to scare the shit out of any advancing forward.
This may also have been due to his uncanny Phil Mitchell-like stare that signalled to the opposition that this man meant business !
Warren Fiveash
One of three members of the Fiveash family to play for the 'traders.
Started of as a goalkeeper at the age of sixteen, moved out onto the pitch for a bit, and then returned after failing to cut the mustard as an outfield player.
Strangely, though, he is now playing an outfield role for his breakaway team 'Fives Five' . He actually looks quite good on occasions.
He'll probably make his sheepish return to the side again in the winter just like he did last year.
Tony Good
Tony played four seasons with Alltraders, and holds the dubious honour of being the only Alltraders player ever to be red-carded.
Scored in the first five games he played for the club. It all went down hill from there on, scoring only one in the last season he played for us.
Left due to a mixture of lethargy and work commitments.
Sal
Sal played three seasons for Alltraders, and seemed to be surrounded by a shroud of secrecy. No-one knew where he came from, or where he went to, between Alltraders games. He just seemed to appear when we needed him.
Now runs and plays for Maidenbower Rejects.
Barry Needham
Played two seasons for Alltraders.
Barry played for Crawley Hospital before spending his time with the club, and scored a couple of corkers in his time.
Seemed to disappear into obscurity after his departure form the club.
Neil Leppard
Played with Tim at Stones, Southgate Athletic and Southdowners where he partnered him up front in the three years that he took top goalscorer.
Has an almost fanatical devotion to all things football, and what he doesn't know about copper piping isn't worth knowing.
Neil has a constant groin bandage, probably to keep his incredibly large penis in position during each game.
Is now seen driving around the town in his red 'Neils Plumbing and Heating' van.
Be warned - he never stops talking ...
Bernie Verblow
Bernie plays for the Broadbridge Heath Vets (old age as opposed to animal doctor), and is a very solid and athletic player.
Looks, and plays, like Andy Gray.
Chris Moran
Chris was player manager of Border Wanderers the last time I asked.
Since getting married he only plays the odd Wednesday lunchtime game for Macro 4.
Sadly women seem to have this affect on some men.
Andy
I can't remember his second name, but he briefly lived next door to Tim along with two stunning air hostesses. Life can be a bitch sometimes.
Always seemed knackered during a game, and I suppose it is no wonder.
Wherever he went, he seemed to be surrounded but an oblong box of light.
Graham Fiveash
Father of Jamie and Warren (you think?) Graham has a very long history in Crawley football circles. Played for Stone Platt in their 70's hayday when they used to dominate the Crawley Premier. I'm sure that is far too long ago for many to remember, or care about.
Is now a well respected referee apparently.
People close to him believe him to be a spy, due to his sudden and prolonged visits to obscure countries in the African Continent with his 'special suitcase' .
Graham was once stung on the tongue by a wasp.
Jamie Fiveash
Jamie is still playing county football for Pease Pottage, but for how long is up for debate. He has the honour of being the only player to miss an Alltraders game due to oversleeping. Bearing in mind it was a 7:30PM kickoff, this is quite an achievement.
Currently works as an auditor at Building and Civil (that big ugly building at the top of Manor Royal).
I suppose someone has to do it.
Rob Driver
Rob played three seasons for Alltraders, and was an influential midfielder before rediscovering alchohol.
Was last seen asleep on platform four at Three Bridges Station.
Ricky Fitzgerald
An ex-Crawley Town player, Ricky played just one game for Alltraders before returning to obscurity.
Is now seen selling copies of 'The Big Issue' outside Marks and Spencer.
The original Steve Wake
Very strong and athletic forward player. Plays the odd game for Alltraders if and when he feels like it. Many people can't understand what the hell is is talking about due to his strong Sunderland accent.
Anon
I haven't got a clue where this guy appeared from, or how he came to play a game for Alltraders at all. I suspect he was supposed to be playing for someone completely different but inadvertantly got the wrong pitch number. No-one complained however as we were one short for the game anyway...
Andy Jones
Andy has been on the Crawley football circuit for many years, playing for a host of teams.
Played twice for Alltraders, and uses his weight to it's maximum advantage.
Gavin
One of Warren's mates.
Gavin is unhealthily tall.
James Pridie
Adopted
a fitness method derived from the recent controversial American study.
The main thrust of it was that smoking cigarettes benefitted athletes.
Half time fags were the result.
Pete The Milkman
Played two seasons for the 'Traders. Since leaving the club, he has made appearances for numerous teams, very often on the same night. Is a stornch Wolves supporter, but I suppose there is no helping some people.
A tip to opposing teams. Hit it hard, low and to his left. He is crap at covering those ones.